4. A serendipitous video
Two days after I mustered up the courage and published my, technically third, but first public post, I watched the second episode of a South-Korean TV talk show called “The Dictionary of Useless Human Knowledge”. By sheer serendipity I stumbled upon a conversation very similar to what I had written about, that felt exactly what I needed to hear when I needed to hear it. If you know me in real life, you know I enjoy seeing signs.
Allow me to make a brief introduction. This show, hosted by film director Jang Hang-jun and BTS member RM (yes, that’s what drew me to watch it in the first place), sees a writer (Kim Young-Ha), a physicist (Kim Sang-Wook), a forensic scientist (Lee Ho), and an astronomer (Shim Chae Kyung) discuss a range of topics which have humans as the main subject, by telling the stories of emblematic people. It is really a great show, educational and thought-provoking, and I wonder why it was titled “The Dictionary of Useless Human Knowledge” (the full title in Korean is “알아두면 쓸데없는 신비한 인간 잡학사전”) because I find it to be anything but useless. Some stories might be considered trivia (NB: Not by me. I mean, what even is trivia?) but what they lead to is philosophical questions and intellectual reflections on what it is like to be human. I constantly find myself taking screenshots of the dialogue to keep a record of everything that struck a chord with me.
Towards the end of episode 2 there was one of those moments. This time it wasn’t just interesting or deep but, as I said, serendipitous. RM goes:
If you have read my previous post, these insecurities were exactly what I was talking about. These insecurities are what has held me back all these years from really pursuing creative activities, such as DJing, making music, and writing this newsletter/blog. I, too, like RM, would compare myself to the people I look up to and the talented people around me and feel like I would never be as good as them (which would lead me to giving up). I, too, wondered what is the point of writing publicly when I could just write a private diary. Luckily I, too, am starting to see that there is a corner I can only occupy; something that only I can do, that only I can discover. The other day I read a short essay titled “The Power of Indulging Your Weird, Offbeat Obsessions” and it made me realised that my niche interests and obsessions are actually my strengths, what shapes that corner I can only occupy. And I believe this applies to everyone.
Earlier today, I was watching the fourth episode. While telling the story of the Imperial Trans-Antarctic Expedition led by Ernest Shackleton in 1914, they brought up the importance of keeping a journal, stating that that was one of the things, together with playing the banjo and singing, that kept the crew of 28 people from losing their minds when stranded for months.
It made me think that writing this newsletter isn’t that bad of an idea after all. It helps with “thinking and understanding something in an objective and rational way”, it is a way to give shape to those feelings and ideas through grammatically correct sentences. I said that too in my previous posts. That keeping a record of myself means I am thinking about the future never crossed my mind before, but now I see it. I never really kept a journal - I tried a few times when I was younger but I was never consistent - but since 2007 (or was it 2006? I can’t recall now), I have been buying a paper weekly calendar and writing what I do every day. No self-reflections, no thoughts or feelings recorded, but if I want to know what I did on, say, May 15th 2010 I can find out. I never dwelled on it but it is true that I thought of my future self being able to check these calendars years later when I initially started this. I don’t have a great memory alas and I love memories.
Also, that line said by Lee Ho: “Because I couldn’t find a direction I write a journal” (“단지 방향을 못 잡아서 그걸 일기에 쓰고 있는 것이죠”) took me back to when I said I am starting this newsletter without a plan nor a specific topic I want to focus on and feeling inadequate because of it. Perhaps though that is exactly why I was able to finally start. Having no direction, feeling confused leads to writing because it is a way to make sense.
I want to conclude with one more quote from episode 2: